EARLY mornings

On work days, I am usually able to get ready pretty quick. If I had to, I could probably be out the door in 10 minutes. I wouldn't have to skip much of my routine either. I might miss out on "making" a lunch and would take a canned tuna meal. But I would have my breakfast and wash and maybe even a touch of makeup! The only problem was that I always felt under the gun. I like to be in my car by 6:15 and start work at 6:30. I hate being late.

So a few weeks ago, I started setting my alarm at 5am. I don't think I have ever voluntarily set it so early before. I did this for a couple of reasons. On my shower days, it gives me plenty of time for my shower and hair. I can get my lunch and snacks ready. And, I have also been starting a devotional time before work.

I was doing my study in the evening after the kids were in bed. But now, I am too tired to be able to focus that late. If I was smart, I would go to bed right after the kids and then I could really get up at 5 instead of pressing snooze until 5:20.

I had gotten off track with my Bible study, so I am just doing a Proverb a day right now. It is good to read about being wise and gaining wisdom and how we can squander it so easily. I see my faults all through the pages of these proverbs.

Today's verse that caught me was 23:... (I just returned with my Bible) 23:1-3 and 20-21. 1-3 talks about not gaining an appetite for what the rulers have. Their delicacies are deceptive. This really impacts me in our situation. We are just owning up to our mounds of debt. We are starting to learn to live without what we have always had. But Solomon is telling us that it is better to kill ourselves ("put a knife to your throat") rather than to want what the rich (my word) have. I am constantly reminding myself to be content with what I have. We have so much and I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Last night I was in a *mood* complaining to myself about all the work I have to do in the evening like dishes and the floor and bedtime and cleaning in general. Then I thought it could be harder. I don't have to walk to get my water. I thought about the women of the world who must walk kilometres and carry the water back with them on their head. How would I like that?!?!?

verses 20 and 21 "Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eater of meat, for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and slumber will clothe them with rags."

You know what?!? That is exactly what happened to me. I was a glutton. I have now come to poverty. I worshipped food instead of God. Now I must pay the consequences of that. Being gluttonous also led me to slumber. I was so tired most of the time or conserving my energy for what I absolutely had to do that I would nap instead of working; instead of getting done what I needed to do. It made me think that I might need to make myself a chore chart like I have for the kids.

Ok. One more thing. I am very thankful for my surgery. I don't think it would have been possible for me to lose weight any other way. It has taught me to not worship food. Yet, I am finding my old habits and struggles coming back as I get hungrier and able to eat again.

Today, was Jewel's last day of work. Someone brought in a cake for her. I wanted some. I could have some. I wouldn't get sick. I wouldn't gain weight because of my exercise. There was lots there. There was a lot of mail, so I didn't go get some right away. But my brain was working overtime. "It's right over there. I wonder what it tastes like. Oh, I think I will get a piece with lots of icing. I like icing," were some of the thoughts running through my head. I was really anxious. My heart started to race a bit. My thoughts kept swirling.

It was then that I realized that it was still controlling me. this cake was having power over me and my body. I was still idolizing this food. I had to decide to not have any. Yes, there was still lots. yes, my body could handle it physically. Yes, I'm sure it would taste good. The amazing thing was that once I had decided to pass on the cake, I felt so much calmer. My body and mind started to breathe again. I was really surprised. Then, just one more try - I heard in my head "well now that I know I was idolizing it, now I can still have a piece because I know that now. It would be an idol then."

I almost fell for it.

But alas, I stayed strong and left the cake.

This is going to be a lifelong process. I will have to be aware of what's going on in order to allow God to keep working in me.

And to think, all of this because I am willing to wake up a bit earlier. Huh.