6 month update

Hi. Long time no update. Well I'll try to catch you up.

I'm 6 months 10 days out from surgery. I weighed 201.6 lbs this morning. I can't believe I will be under 200 very soon. Probably for the first time since I was 13 years old. In terms of weight, when I was 12, I weighed 150. By the time I turned 13, I was 180. Between then and grade 12, I don't really know the progression. I just know that I ended high school at around 220. I wore a size 18 dress to my graduation. You know how it is when we look back. Now I think that a size 18 wasn't that bad. At the time I thought I was so big and I hated having to buy my grad dress in a fat lady store. 20 years ago, there weren't that many fat kids, so the fat stores didn't have a lot of hip clothes!

Currently, I'm wearing a plus sized 16 pants. I have discovered that plus sized clothes are bigger than regular sized. I bought some Tabi shorts at Value Village in size 16, but I need to lose about 3 more inches on my waist before I can do them up. For my top, I think I am firmly in a regular sized XL. That's the size on the shirt at my 6 month photo.

Food wise, I am definitely craving more sugar foods. Part of that could be that I am eating more sugar foods and awakening the "carb monster." I am able to eat more and especially with my activity level now, I need to eat more. My trouble is that I haven't been planning and preparing for this new hunger and need for good tasting food. Up until now, I have been able to manage quite well with little bits here and there making food mainly for the kids. My son is at a particularly picky point in his eating habits. He will eat most foods if we make him - "you can't leave the table until you finish that much." You can't have dessert until you eat your vegetables." Then he will force it down. He has come to rely on snacks to fill him up. That is not good.

Anyway, so I have tried to make food for me - soupy, saucy, stewy - kinds of one pot meals, but have gotten a lot of negative feed back. And also, getting back into the swings with work, I haven't had the time or energy to cook. Maybe now is the time to start again so I can get some nutritious, good tasting food that will be easy on my pouch.

Norm is in the full swing of his new job now. He is gone 5 or 6 afternoon/evenings a week, plus all day on Monday and Thursday plus he is going on weekend road trips - this weekend he is in Lethbridge. Two weekends ago, he was in Medicine Hat. Learning to hold down the fort all alone has been tricky. It is getting better, but it's still not fun. The real downside is that I feel I have lost the connection with Norm. He is so involved in what he is doing that I feel like he doesn't care about my world. He doesn't ask me what's going on. (And if he asks, he accepts "fine" or "okay" instead of teasing what's really going on.) I know that he does care. I know that he loves me to no end. For me, the connection comes with time together. How do you keep the connection when you never see the other person? If he is making money that would at least give us a benefit of him being away, but so far, he hasn't been making very much. Then, there is the other end, where all the money in the world can't fix a broken marriage. We are definitely no where near broken, but I must admit that I am pretty needy and the way it is now definitely isn't the way it can be for very long.

Today, my daughter asked me to read from the Bible. She wanted the last story in Revelation. It was really neat to read. A couple of verses stuck out to me: 22:17, "The Spirit and the Bride say, 'Come.' And let the one who hears say, ' Come.' And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price." The Holy Spirit and Jesus are calling out to everyone to come. The followers of God are also calling out for everyone to come. The gift is the water of life. It is priceless. Not even Mastercard can cover this one. But it is free. It is a gift. It is for all who desire. It is for all who are thirsty. And I need to be calling out to everyone, "Come!"

I also like verse 20 where Jesus says, " 'Surely I am coming soon.' Amen. Come Lord Jesus!" In my daily living, I forget this. Unfortunately, it doesn't break through into my consciousness as I go about my business. But it is so exciting to think that Jesus is coming soon! I may see it or I may not live to see Jesus return to the earth in power, but He is still coming soon!

The last couple of days I have been thinking about heaven and hell. At the news of Gary Coleman dying, my first thought was, "that is good." I meant that he was living a tortured life. His life was full of problems and they were displayed for the whole world to see. He was mocked and shamed and put on display for our entertainment. I thought his death would at least put an end to the pain. But then I wondered if that put him in hell, is that really any better than a tortured life? My assumption is that he didn't know Jesus the Saviour. So, under that assumption, he would go to hell to begin his eternal torment. My guess is that wouldn't be very peaceful either. So I am at a loss. Should I be grateful that his pain on earth is over or lament because he didn't live long enough to put his faith in Jesus? This one will need more prayer and study.

6 month pictures

So, my hubby took these this morning. I find them a bit shocking. Especially the front view.

I don't have time to write anything now, but I will hopefully come back later tonight.

I...am...tired... must... SLEEP!

I'm...

OKAY!

I have been back to work for almost 2 weeks now. It has been alright. Physically, which is always the biggest concern as a letter carrier, I have been fine. I am a bit sore, but I can bend over and move and do what I need to do. My route is taking the time that is normal - ie. I'm not taking forever to finish delivering all my mail. I'm still a bit on the slow side for the inside sorting, but I am coming to terms with that. I have always put a lot of pressure on myself to be fast and get done quickly. Then I would be disappointed when I would never finish as quickly as I would like. So, now I am just trying to pace myself and take my time.

I also have a new attitude about my work. As I used to scramble to get things done, I would feel out of control. I would be huffing and puffing, arms flailing about. This week I have been telling myself that I am a professional. I don't need to run around like a chicken without it's head. I can walk at a good pace and take my time and I will finish a little later than others, but that is okay. I am a professional letter carrier. I am good at my job. I like my job. I still go across some lawns, but mainly I take the sidewalk. I don't mind. A professional does the job properly and doesn't try to cut corners.

Also, I am taking my time in order to take my time away from the house! When working before, I always felt so much pressure to hurry up and get home. Now, I want to enjoy my time away and let myself relax while at work so that I can go home somewhat refreshed too. Norm is home with the kids in the days. He is really understanding about this. Especially since he is gone all evening too.

Speaking of being gone, he has made a couple of sales. He is selling a health benefits package to families in their home. It has been hard, as all sales are, but he is a trooper. He just keeps at it and doing what he can. It's been an adjustment for all of us. We hardly see him anymore, it seems. Anada misses out the most because she just sees him in the morning before school and the occasional late afternoon when he is home.

There is so much more to say, but so I can go to bed, I think I will end it here.

Good night!