life and stuff

I am slowly getting the hang of being alone. But not entirely alone, that would be fun. No, this is alone with 3 mini-me's. It's funny, because I say this after Norm has been home most of the week! But last week he was gone 7 nights in a row.

Basically it comes down to the fact that I always seem to want what I don't have. When I was home full time, I wanted some time away from the family. Now that I am working full time and away, I wouldn't mind being home full time. Actually, it's not quite like that. It's that I would like to not have the same workload at home when I get home from full time job that I used to have when I didn't have full time job. Hmmmm. This is sounding vaguely familiar. Have I posted about this a time or TEN!

I don't think Norm pulls his weight when it comes to the house. His time with the kids and at home is usually spent organizing his office or watching movies with the kids. When I am at home, I am doing dishes, cooking, cleaning, getting the kids to do their chores, laundry, or whiling away the hours online. (I AM working on cutting back - seriously!)

Here is where the rubber meets the road. I am very selfish. "Doesn't he know that I work fulltime? Doesn't he feel the pressure to cook and clean and have the house somewhat organized for at least 30 seconds during the day? Why should I have to come home and do all the stuff I used to do without the job? I am tired when I come home!" are just a few of the things that run through my head at any given point in the afternoon/evening as i do the things to manage the house. But I guess I have to accept some sort of new normal where I need to do more. I need to require more of myself. I might be getting closer to the acceptance of the new normal, but it is reluctant. I'm sure there has been much kicking and screaming along the way too.


I'm taking the 2 older kids camping with my SIL /bff tomorrow for the night. We are just going for one night this time and maybe it will lead to more. Before we had kids I really enjoyed camping (ie. tenting) but Norm wasn't so keen. We went a couple of times. Since kids, I don't think I have tented at all. The kids are really excited. While I tend to think that it will be more work, I am excited too. It is nice to get away and enjoy creation. Reconnect with things a bit more naturally. I'll let you know how it goes.

We are in the 4th week of our new budget. Things are going well. I think. It's starting to get harder now. Where there are things we "need" but aren't in the budget. Last week, there was only money left in the transportation budget. That is also meant to carry over to pay for repairs and maintenance. Norm used some of that money for an afternoon of fun with his office. I have used some of the money floating around to pay for extras. We are starting to run out of the floating money too.

Being mature sucks! Since my surgery, I have matured. I am more willing and able to delay gratification. I can do what needs to be done instead of leaving it because I don't' want to do it. I haven't touched my cross stitch. I haven't read much lately. There might be time, but right now I am spending all of my "spare" time on the computer. If I gave up my computer time, I could read or cross stitch. Or, I could start some projects to finish the house. (Did I mention that part of our budget includes selling the house?)

Having said that, I have reverted back to some of my more immature eating habits. Today I bought candy. I have been eating it all day today. Granted, I would have finished it all already 8 months ago. But I know better now. I know I have a choice. I know what I need to eat to nourish my body. I know I need to be choosy about what I put in my mouth. I don't even like the candy I have been eating, but I have been eating it anyway. Shame on me! I do know better. Why am I not doing it?!?!? Time to go back for a talk with the shrink!

Wow. I wrote another book. Sorry. Maybe I should try writing something even when I don't think I have anything to write. Then they will actually be a more manageable size!

Well, I guess I should go do the dishes now. yippee...