I'm Lenting

I an observing lent this year. In the past, I would like the idea of sacrificing something to remind myself of the suffering of Christ, but I don't think I ever "really" did it. I have never been willing to suffer or sacrifice for anyone or anything.

So, this year has been quite a spiritual awakening for me. I am living my reversal of destiny where God has turned the tables that were set against me. He has called me out to study every day, work out regularly and to pray. I have started attending a prayer meeting at church each Wednesday. I also have to pray for people when we are talking to each other. Instead of saying, "I'll pray for you about that" and then walk away, I need to say, "Hey can I pray for you right now?"

My faith has always been real to me, but I have never lived it out loud. I have always been very quiet, partly because it is important. But now, I need to learn to be bold.

I was thinking about what I would give up for lent. I can't really give up food anymore. Although, I have found myself eating poorly lately. So I have given up sugary and junk foods like chips. Because those are rarely an issue now, I also needed to give up something else. The first thought was TV. I don't watch tonnes, but often Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday nights, I would watch 2 - 4 hours per night. I guess that is a lot! I figured because I didn't watch every night, and I don't watch at all in the day that it is a lot less than I could watch.

The other option was giving up my computer time. The computer is a place where I spend the time I don't spend watching tv. I wasn't really keen on giving up my computer since I depend on it so much for information and entertainment and communication. I am always looking up some tidbit or phone number or researching some topic. I haven't been on very much lately, but I also love the Bariatric TV forums (www.bariatrictv.com/forums). They are so great for fun and for help on the bariatric journey. And then of course, I couldn't give up my email or reading the blogs I follow.

It was pancake Tuesday. My brother and SIL came over with the kids for pancakes and I still wasn't sure what I was giving up. I didn't think the tv was enough, but the computer was too much.

I think it was Wednesday during my prayers that I realized it had to be both. I had to give up my shows - Intervention, Hoarders, Amazing Race, Biggest Loser, my crime dramas ( I can't remember the name and I can't look it up!) and also I had to give up my computer obsession. There are 2 caveats for the computer/internet: I can do my email once a day. I will sit down to check my mail and think, do I really want this to be my email time for the day?

Also, I am allowed to post blogs. This is my journal. It is good to write the thoughts going through my head. The sad part is, I am not allowed to read yours. I will miss your thoughts and happenings, but I believe God has called me to give this up for the next few weeks. Ok.
6 Weeks. I think of my loyal follower often. I am sad that I won't be able to comment on her blog. But I have and will continue to pray for her. Loyal follower, I can email if you send me your address!!!

It is important for me to develop these disciplines in my life. For 37 years, I have avoided any and all discipline. Discipline, and putting my goals and plans and God's plans and goals ahead of my whims and desires will be important in my long term success in all areas of my life. Holding myself to account is the only way I can make it. Others holding me accountable is very helpful and I need that. But holding myself accountable for the promises I make to God and myself is crucial. It has always been easy to lie to myself or just let what I wanted to do slide because it was too much work. That is how I got to 320 lbs and living my life like it was a boat adrift at sea, going where the currents took me. Now is the time to act with purpose and direction. Now is the time to go where I am called instead of letting myself meander and wonder why I never got anywhere. No longer.

It is definitely more work. I need to demand a lot of myself. But living my life the way God wants me to, is definitely worth the work. Am I willing to work to see the wonder?

YOU BET!