The honeymoon is over. I'm not sure it ever really begun.
I've been starting to feel blue lately. Not much emotion other than BLAH! It feels like I haven't smiled in days and I am wading through my life like wading through a knee high snow drift.
It could have something to do with the conversation I had with my mom. She has stopped talking to my aunt because my aunt offended her by calling her "high maintenance" because of all of the stories she tells (really, they are incessant.) My mom didn't take kindly to that and for almost 3 months has not made any effort to connect with my aunt. I also put my foot in it when my mom asked me if I thought she was high maintenance. That was a hard one to answer.
The truth is YES! Very!
My mom doesn't handle the truth about herself very well. So, I Tried to speak kindly and graciously. Let's just say, it's not my strong point. Now I can't tell if she is mad at me too. (((BIG SIGH))) It always seems to go this way. This time, though, I wouldn't let her off the phone until we talked some more. Previously, after I had said something that hurt her, a few days later I would get a call from my dad saying how hurt mom was. It's like walking on eggshells. I think I am learning to appreciate her more, but then something like this happens and I feel lost as sea again.
I could also be feeling blue because now I have discovered that eating isn't fun anymore and depending on me and my pouch, it may never be again. NOT only is it not fun, but thoughts of what I can eat and can't eat consumes most waking moments! AHHHH! One blog I read today says that even 2 years out, eating isn't fun anymore. Making the food can be fun, but not eating.
To try and keep a proper perspective, there are lots of people who say the enjoy their food even more after surgery. They eat what they love in a slow, controlled way. Mr. Pouchie doesn't allow for gorging. They are more careful with the quality and flavour. Quality definitely wins out over quantity. This is where I want to be. One day...
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