Here we go!

And so we begin.

I was going to start an electronic journal with Word and keep it on my computer. No one could read it. No one would be able to see all of my neuroses all laid bare. It would be just me and my computer.

Then I read a few blogs and thought my natterings might be well suited for a blog. If only to help me with my grammar and completing my thoughts in written form. So, if you happen to find my itsy-bitsy journal, welcome. It would be great for you to send a quick note to let me know you stopped by.

I am very unsettled today. (hence the beginning of the e-journal!) I woke up feeling not right. My husband, Norm, wanted to play. I was not in the mood. He told me I was hot. I replied he was out of his mind! When the truth is closer to the idea that I am out of mine.

The blueness has overtaken me bit by bit for the last couple of weeks. I didn't really notice until today. Long periods of time in my life have been clouded by blackness. So blue is familiar. Unwelcome, but familiar. I worry that this is the "real thing." The deep and dark secret that I am depressed.

I had my 3rd baby 2 months ago today. Postpartum depression is a hot topic. With my history of depression, everyone was hypervigilant in being on the watch this time. It was warranted because I started out very high on what I call my "stress ladder". There are only so many rungs before I fall off the top. The last 4 or 5 months I have only been one or two rungs from the top. Evidenced by blowing my top at every little inconsequential thing. I'd say I have moved down a rung since I started councelling.

Well, this has been all day. Must sign off for now.

kb
W