Today is the last day of lent. I want to at least finish this last day strong!
I have been slipping quite a bit on my commitment to not use my internet. I have found it really isolating to have this limitation on me. I have realized how connected I am to this technology. To be honest, I don't see that I will become any less connected in the future.
There is so much I do on here - looking for recipes, banking, research, support groups, collecting points, news and information... It does take up a lot of time and I would like to limit that time, but generally what I do isn't bad, at worst it is neutral and many times it is even good.
I am writing this so assuage my need to be online. It seems to be working.
Off I go to do laundry and clean the van!
Showing posts with label lent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lent. Show all posts
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Progress report
We are 2 weeks into lent. As stated, I have given up tv watching and computer use other than writing this amazing blog and doing email. The tv has been ok. I watched the gold medal hockey game with my husband (he taped it, so we watched it after the kids went to bed.) and then a show after that. Oh yeah, it was Amazing Race. Those cowboys are fun!
Giving up the tv hasn't been that much of a challenge. The tv is downstairs. None of my life is downstairs except for laundry. There is nothing to draw me downstairs unless it is watching tv. I like a few shows, but it's not as compulsive as it used to be. I knew this and that was why I also felt I needed to give up my computer time. That has been another story.
It has not been easy. I have relaxed the rules about only checking my email once a day. Now I check it a number of times a day - not that there is anything that exciting in there - and I have used the computer a few times other than writing. Tonight I watched Carnie Wilson on Dr Oz someone has posted it on her blog. A couple of days ago, I researched activity classes with the city for the kids. I registered them for swimming. I have read a couple of blogs as I have gone to post my own. I think there were a couple of other times, but I can't remember exactly when or what.
Not having my computer access has left me feeling frustrated and isolated and much less informed. I get a lot of my news and information and general living stuff online. When someone says to check out a website, I can't. If I want to find out the answer to something I can't. I went to get the paper copy of the program guide for the activities and they were out. What was I supposed to do to find out about the programs coming up? The new spring guide will be out tomorrow, I think, and so I can have a copy to register for later programs. But I really felt helpless. I really depend on this connection.
Another area I have really felt the loss is in support of my surgery. I haven't heard of any local support groups. I love bariatrictv.com. I am not able to go there to ask questions or offer help to anyone else. I have been in a food funk and not wanting to cook. Part of that is I get my recipes online. I have no cookbooks.
Has giving this up brought me to prayer? I would have to say yes. Since I am not spending my time online, I have the time to spend learning and praying. I will often take upwards of 2 hours to do my "homework." I have tried to remind myself that my Saviour was beaten within an inch of his life and then crucified with the burden of all the sins in the world on his shoulders. He felt abandoned by his Father. He willingly gave his life to save mine. Thank you, Jesus! Not going online is no big deal.
Giving up the tv hasn't been that much of a challenge. The tv is downstairs. None of my life is downstairs except for laundry. There is nothing to draw me downstairs unless it is watching tv. I like a few shows, but it's not as compulsive as it used to be. I knew this and that was why I also felt I needed to give up my computer time. That has been another story.
It has not been easy. I have relaxed the rules about only checking my email once a day. Now I check it a number of times a day - not that there is anything that exciting in there - and I have used the computer a few times other than writing. Tonight I watched Carnie Wilson on Dr Oz someone has posted it on her blog. A couple of days ago, I researched activity classes with the city for the kids. I registered them for swimming. I have read a couple of blogs as I have gone to post my own. I think there were a couple of other times, but I can't remember exactly when or what.
Not having my computer access has left me feeling frustrated and isolated and much less informed. I get a lot of my news and information and general living stuff online. When someone says to check out a website, I can't. If I want to find out the answer to something I can't. I went to get the paper copy of the program guide for the activities and they were out. What was I supposed to do to find out about the programs coming up? The new spring guide will be out tomorrow, I think, and so I can have a copy to register for later programs. But I really felt helpless. I really depend on this connection.
Another area I have really felt the loss is in support of my surgery. I haven't heard of any local support groups. I love bariatrictv.com. I am not able to go there to ask questions or offer help to anyone else. I have been in a food funk and not wanting to cook. Part of that is I get my recipes online. I have no cookbooks.
Has giving this up brought me to prayer? I would have to say yes. Since I am not spending my time online, I have the time to spend learning and praying. I will often take upwards of 2 hours to do my "homework." I have tried to remind myself that my Saviour was beaten within an inch of his life and then crucified with the burden of all the sins in the world on his shoulders. He felt abandoned by his Father. He willingly gave his life to save mine. Thank you, Jesus! Not going online is no big deal.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
I'm Lenting
I an observing lent this year. In the past, I would like the idea of sacrificing something to remind myself of the suffering of Christ, but I don't think I ever "really" did it. I have never been willing to suffer or sacrifice for anyone or anything.
So, this year has been quite a spiritual awakening for me. I am living my reversal of destiny where God has turned the tables that were set against me. He has called me out to study every day, work out regularly and to pray. I have started attending a prayer meeting at church each Wednesday. I also have to pray for people when we are talking to each other. Instead of saying, "I'll pray for you about that" and then walk away, I need to say, "Hey can I pray for you right now?"
My faith has always been real to me, but I have never lived it out loud. I have always been very quiet, partly because it is important. But now, I need to learn to be bold.
I was thinking about what I would give up for lent. I can't really give up food anymore. Although, I have found myself eating poorly lately. So I have given up sugary and junk foods like chips. Because those are rarely an issue now, I also needed to give up something else. The first thought was TV. I don't watch tonnes, but often Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday nights, I would watch 2 - 4 hours per night. I guess that is a lot! I figured because I didn't watch every night, and I don't watch at all in the day that it is a lot less than I could watch.
The other option was giving up my computer time. The computer is a place where I spend the time I don't spend watching tv. I wasn't really keen on giving up my computer since I depend on it so much for information and entertainment and communication. I am always looking up some tidbit or phone number or researching some topic. I haven't been on very much lately, but I also love the Bariatric TV forums (www.bariatrictv.com/forums). They are so great for fun and for help on the bariatric journey. And then of course, I couldn't give up my email or reading the blogs I follow.
It was pancake Tuesday. My brother and SIL came over with the kids for pancakes and I still wasn't sure what I was giving up. I didn't think the tv was enough, but the computer was too much.
I think it was Wednesday during my prayers that I realized it had to be both. I had to give up my shows - Intervention, Hoarders, Amazing Race, Biggest Loser, my crime dramas ( I can't remember the name and I can't look it up!) and also I had to give up my computer obsession. There are 2 caveats for the computer/internet: I can do my email once a day. I will sit down to check my mail and think, do I really want this to be my email time for the day?
Also, I am allowed to post blogs. This is my journal. It is good to write the thoughts going through my head. The sad part is, I am not allowed to read yours. I will miss your thoughts and happenings, but I believe God has called me to give this up for the next few weeks. Ok.
6 Weeks. I think of my loyal follower often. I am sad that I won't be able to comment on her blog. But I have and will continue to pray for her. Loyal follower, I can email if you send me your address!!!
It is important for me to develop these disciplines in my life. For 37 years, I have avoided any and all discipline. Discipline, and putting my goals and plans and God's plans and goals ahead of my whims and desires will be important in my long term success in all areas of my life. Holding myself to account is the only way I can make it. Others holding me accountable is very helpful and I need that. But holding myself accountable for the promises I make to God and myself is crucial. It has always been easy to lie to myself or just let what I wanted to do slide because it was too much work. That is how I got to 320 lbs and living my life like it was a boat adrift at sea, going where the currents took me. Now is the time to act with purpose and direction. Now is the time to go where I am called instead of letting myself meander and wonder why I never got anywhere. No longer.
It is definitely more work. I need to demand a lot of myself. But living my life the way God wants me to, is definitely worth the work. Am I willing to work to see the wonder?
YOU BET!
So, this year has been quite a spiritual awakening for me. I am living my reversal of destiny where God has turned the tables that were set against me. He has called me out to study every day, work out regularly and to pray. I have started attending a prayer meeting at church each Wednesday. I also have to pray for people when we are talking to each other. Instead of saying, "I'll pray for you about that" and then walk away, I need to say, "Hey can I pray for you right now?"
My faith has always been real to me, but I have never lived it out loud. I have always been very quiet, partly because it is important. But now, I need to learn to be bold.
I was thinking about what I would give up for lent. I can't really give up food anymore. Although, I have found myself eating poorly lately. So I have given up sugary and junk foods like chips. Because those are rarely an issue now, I also needed to give up something else. The first thought was TV. I don't watch tonnes, but often Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday nights, I would watch 2 - 4 hours per night. I guess that is a lot! I figured because I didn't watch every night, and I don't watch at all in the day that it is a lot less than I could watch.
The other option was giving up my computer time. The computer is a place where I spend the time I don't spend watching tv. I wasn't really keen on giving up my computer since I depend on it so much for information and entertainment and communication. I am always looking up some tidbit or phone number or researching some topic. I haven't been on very much lately, but I also love the Bariatric TV forums (www.bariatrictv.com/forums). They are so great for fun and for help on the bariatric journey. And then of course, I couldn't give up my email or reading the blogs I follow.
It was pancake Tuesday. My brother and SIL came over with the kids for pancakes and I still wasn't sure what I was giving up. I didn't think the tv was enough, but the computer was too much.
I think it was Wednesday during my prayers that I realized it had to be both. I had to give up my shows - Intervention, Hoarders, Amazing Race, Biggest Loser, my crime dramas ( I can't remember the name and I can't look it up!) and also I had to give up my computer obsession. There are 2 caveats for the computer/internet: I can do my email once a day. I will sit down to check my mail and think, do I really want this to be my email time for the day?
Also, I am allowed to post blogs. This is my journal. It is good to write the thoughts going through my head. The sad part is, I am not allowed to read yours. I will miss your thoughts and happenings, but I believe God has called me to give this up for the next few weeks. Ok.
6 Weeks. I think of my loyal follower often. I am sad that I won't be able to comment on her blog. But I have and will continue to pray for her. Loyal follower, I can email if you send me your address!!!
It is important for me to develop these disciplines in my life. For 37 years, I have avoided any and all discipline. Discipline, and putting my goals and plans and God's plans and goals ahead of my whims and desires will be important in my long term success in all areas of my life. Holding myself to account is the only way I can make it. Others holding me accountable is very helpful and I need that. But holding myself accountable for the promises I make to God and myself is crucial. It has always been easy to lie to myself or just let what I wanted to do slide because it was too much work. That is how I got to 320 lbs and living my life like it was a boat adrift at sea, going where the currents took me. Now is the time to act with purpose and direction. Now is the time to go where I am called instead of letting myself meander and wonder why I never got anywhere. No longer.
It is definitely more work. I need to demand a lot of myself. But living my life the way God wants me to, is definitely worth the work. Am I willing to work to see the wonder?
YOU BET!
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